DUDE! $5 to the VALET can save you the $500 DEDUCTIBLE on your insurance!

DUDE! Have you noticed that no matter HOW POPULAR and BUSY your local DANCE HALL, NIGHTCLUB, DIVE BAR, BOWLING ALLEY or GENTLEMAN'S CLUB (aka. MEN'S CLUB/TIDDIE BAR/STRIP CLUB) is, there's probably NOT one within walking distance of your FRONT DOOR or your GARAGE! If there is, you live in the wrong part of town, or you're just VERY LUCKY and I'm VERY JEALOUS!

EVERYONE wants to go, no one really wants one right NEXT DOOR! So they have a tendency to be located on the 'WRONG SIDE OF TOWN' or in some less than desirable neighborhoods. Here's THIS WEEKS TIP!

• DUDE! This is NOT the time to be CHEAP! FIVE BUCKS to the VALET can easily SAVE YOU the FIVE HUNDRED DOLLAR Deductible on your insurance! AND prevent a long, drawn out POLICE REPORT. If you love your CAR, TRUCK, BIKE or JEEP (or YOUR KICK-ASS SOUND SYSTEM) as much as I do, it's a small price to pay for someone to babysit your ride while you spend time with your wife/girlfriend/future-ex wife, getting LAP DANCES, or just hangin' with your buds!
• It may also prevent YOU from getting rolled, robbed, mugged or worse on your way in or out! It happens Dude!
• BONUS! If you've been drinking (maybe a little TOO MUCH) the VALET can GET YOU A CAB or Van Service to DRIVE YOUR DRUNK ASS HOME! SO MUCH cheaper than JAIL. Don't DRINK and DRIVE Dudes and Dude -ettes. I hear your FACE against the WINDSHIELD and the STEERING WHEEL in your CHEST - HURTS! (ALOT!)

'Nuff said DUDES! MAN UP! Have some FUN but stay outta TROUBLE! Later - K

DUDE! Just a Reminder - If you need to contact me DIRECTLY, use the GMail Link!

Just a reminder DUDES and DUDE-ettes! If you're trying to reach me 'UP CLOSE and PERSONAL' and contact me DIRECTLY for ADVICE, BUSINESS, or just to 'cuss me out... use that Guy.Think GMAIL link down on the bottom right column of this page! It's guy.think@gmail.com GMail Rocks!

REMEMBER! I can't (and won't) reply/respond to anonymous posts/comments. So, grab your COJONES and see RULE #2 under BREAKING NEWS! THE TWO THINGS YOU NEED TO ENJOY THE MAN BLOG:

When you write, if you are a CUTE, SINGLE, Petite LATIN PRINCESS...be sure and let me know so that I can respond, reply, propose to YOU FIRST! If you're NOT, LIE TO ME! And if you're the Husband, Father, Brother, Cousin of a cute Latin Princess I MIGHT happen to know...'DUDE, it wasn't ME!

Seriously, feel free to contact me if you need to - keep in mind those 12-14 hour shifts I work, but I'll get back to you as I can! I'm OUT! So - MAN UP! Dude. - K

SPRINT and I have a LOVE - HATE Relationship, BUT This NEW Sierra 597 Wireless Card REALLY WORKS!

DUDE! Sprint and I DO NOT normally get along, but AT&T and T-Mobile and I aren't speaking at all! So I have to stay with Sprint. Yesterday, I upgraded my wireless card for my Laptop, and I'm so impressed I decided I should tell you guys about it! The first MAN BLOG RAVE!

No matter where I am, I have my Laptop. I either have it in my hand, or locked in the 'Steel Vault' in my Jeep. I surf, research, study, BLOG, e-mail, design or promote at ANYTIME and from ANY Place. That's why I use my Sprint Wireless card. It works from any bar, restaurant, HOOTERS!, VIP Room in my favorite Men's Clubs, Parking Lot, anyplace I can get 'bars' on my phone - I can get data on my card. Now sometimes and in a few places, getting the 'bars' is a bitch, but generally my CARD is more reliable than WiFi - which may or may not be 'up' or accessible.

Got the new USB Sprint Sierra Wireless Compass 597 yesterday afternoon, plugged it in, it did it's magic PLUG and PLAY thing, and I was using it to check all my G-Mails in MINUTES! WOW! I am always impressed (and pleasantly surprised) when something WORKS the way it is supposed to! That's why I'm raving about it now! If you're in the market for a wireless broadband card, you should check this one out! You can tell the folks at SPRINT - THE MAN BLOG sent you. Maybe they'll slip me some FREE minutes on my cell phone! Or maybe a FREE 'T-Pain' I'm in Love with a Stripper Ringtone!

Later Dudes (and Dude -ettes). Gotta go for now. 'Til next time - K.

BREAKING NEWS! The TWO Things You NEED to Enjoy THE MAN BLOG:

WOW! THE MAN BLOG is ONE MONTH OLD today! And one hundred and thirty eight (yes! 138) comments over the last three days! Some FANS, Some HATERS! (mostly 'Defenders of MySpace' who didn't like my 'Why MySpace Sux' post). There's just NOT room to post everyone's comments and HINT: Anonymous comments go in the Anonymous trash - read below. Meanwhile, here are TWO THINGS YOU MUST HAVE to enjoy THE MAN BLOG:

1. A SENSE OF HUMOR!

DUDE! THE MAN BLOG is a "HUMOROUS LOOK AT HOW GUYS THINK..." it even says so down there on the right hand side under "THE MAN BLOG is about:" so it MUST BE TRUE! But, if my random observations and STRIP CLUB ADVENTURES don't make you smile or LAUGH OUT LOUD...then CLICK ON OUT OF HERE! You'll be back to see what OUTRAGEOUS thing I do or say next! But HEY! HATERS, before you go, be sure and tell all your friends how EVIL (and FUN!) THE MAN BLOG is! 'Cause Controversy = Traffic; Traffic = Clicks; and Clicks = GROCERIES! (or GAS, or BEER, or LAP DANCES!) And...LIGHTEN UP DUDE!

2. BALLS! Ya' Gotta Have Balls!

OK, you don't PHYSICALLY need to have Balls (almost half of my readers are GIRLS!) but you do need some COJONES! If you've got something to say about ME or THE MAN BLOG (GOOD or BAD), say it! but SIGN IT! You can still leave an Anonymous post, but INSIDE the post, sign your name, first name, initials, SOMETHING. Again, ANONYMOUS, UNSIGNED posts go in the 'NO COJONES TRASH'!

Down there in the bottom right corner of this Blog, under the Creative Commons License is MY NAME. My REAL name, NOT my Stripper Name, NOT my Stage Name! I am NOT lacking in the 'COJONES Department'! I'll even be adding an e-mail link somewhere down there as soon as I can figure out how! Then you can BASH me, or THANK ME up close and personal!

OK! Done Bitchin' again. THE MAN BLOG makes ME laugh - I'm smilin' while I write it! And I hope you enjoy it as well! If you do - tell your FRIENDS, CoWorkers, your Boss, your MOM! Spread the word! THANKS! Dude (and Dude-ettes)! Kevin

DUDE! A STRIP CLUB is NOT a BANK, Foreign Currency Exchange, CARWASH or Video Arcade!

SO! Most of my 'stripper' friends (yes, some do Dance, ALL are Entertainers and a FEW even go to College like REAL Sorority Girls and Cheerleaders), anyway, they know about THE MAN BLOG and have decided to 'present' their issues (and MAN - they've got some issues!) But I enjoy listening to them - I can actually conduct a serious conversation with the most beautiful naked women and never (OK, rarely) lose eye contact! I'm that good. No, really Dude!

Anyway, we were all talking about issues and subjects I could write about in future STRIP CLUB ETIQUETTE articles when a new EVIL presented its ugly head....some idiot was tipping the Girls with PESOS! and they were NOT HAPPY about it and decided to VENT all over me! I mentioned they could use their newly acquired PESOS at PIZZA PATRON , a local Pizzeria that actually accepts Mexican Pesos for their pizza. They were NOT amused, which resulted in me not getting BOOBIES in my face - so by then, I'M NOT AMUSED, in fact, deprived is what I was at this point!

DUDE! I realize that I'm in a BORDER STATE, and San Antonio has close ties with Mexico, BUT when you go to the CLUB - TAKE DOLLARS! American Dollars, NOT Canadian Dollars, NOT Deutschmarks, NOT PESOS! DOLLARS! Try not to piss my friends off so I can leave HAPPY - with a BIG GRIN on my face!

And while we're on the subject..a CUTE little waitress named Rachelle would like to tell you what you can do with your #*%&$#'N QUARTERS! Dude - NOT A CARWASH or VIDEO ARCADE! Rachelle's #1 Rule: DO NOT BRING QUARTERS to a Tiddie Bar! And if you should get one or two as change, put them in your pocket, TIP WITH DOLLARS, or FIVES, or TENS or TWENTIES! (be a High Roller!) Rachelle's cute - why do you guys continue to piss her off and get her all 'WestSide' on me?

OK, done Bitchin' again. Now maybe it's safe for me to go back tonight and see my little Friends!

SO! MAN UP! Dude, I'll tell you what happens later! - K

If MySpace is for Kids and Stalkers, Why do ALL my Thirty-Something Friends Have One?

Dude! If MySpace is for Kids, Pre-Teens, Stalkers,
Predators and Pedophiles...How come ALL my OVER THIRTY Friends have one? (some even have MORE than one!)

Over 100 MILLION(?) User accounts and one of the TEN most visited sites IN THE WORLD! WOW! You'd think it would work better - ALOT BETTER. I can't even get the pages to download there's so many people ON IT! All I get is “Server Too Busy,” “Sorry! an unexpected error has occurred." and can we BAN THE GLITTER and Sparkle? There's only one place for Glitter and that's on Baby (new) Strippers! (see Strip Club Etiquette 1, 2 and more to come).

BRING TOM BACK and maybe he can fix things like:

• Millions of MySpace SPAMMERS!
• Ugly-ass, Tacky Profiles With VIDEOS I don't want to see and MUSIC(?) I DON'T want to hear!
• All the SpyWare, Worms and 'Puter Herpes and VIRUSES!
• Millions of Pics of YOU in the MIRROR - 'Damn Girl, You say you have a THOUSAND Friends, can't ONE OF THEM take your picture for you?' And DUDE! Put your shirt back on!
• TOM! Make them STOP SENDING ME BULLETINS for STUPID S**T! 'I got up.' 'I did my homework' DUH!
• 'Why am I not on your top 8'? and Leave the HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA at School!
• and Tom, could you do something about those CREEPY Floating Yellow Emoticon Things that keep yelling HELLO! - THANKS!

OK, I'm done bitching for now - gotta go check my MySpace and see if I have any new 'FRIENDS' Later Dude. Oh, and MAN UP! - K

Strip Club Etiquette Part 2: You Don't Have to BE a High Roller to LOOK Like One...

Strippers (Dancers, Entertainers, 'College Girls?') make a living dancing, entertaining or just sitting with as many customers (that's YOU and ME - Dude!) as they can. The Girls tell me that MOST of those customers are FAT, SWEATY, SMELLY, T-Shirt + Puka Shell + Croc wearin' 'Cheap-Ass' (their words) Slugs and Thugs who wouldn't know fashion or deodorant if you hit them upside the head with either one!

SO! If you want to make a positive impression with Strippers (or GIRLS in general) at the CLUB - Shower, Shave, spend a few bucks on GOOD Cologne (Dude -Leave the AXE/English Leather/Old Spice for your job!) plus there are alot of cute girls at the Department Store 'fragrance' counters to help you pick one out! AND LEAVE YOUR Nasty-Ass T-shirts and Ass-Backwards Ball Caps AT HOME!

HOW you dress depends on the CLUB, most have a fairly strict dress code. Some don't allow ripped/torn jeans, MOST don't allow white Tees or caps. One of my favorite G-Clubs requires COLLARS - which sux because most of my bad-ass shirts don't have collars. Try adding a Suit or Tux jacket over your shirt and jeans and go for that 'Rockstar' look.

• HINT: This is where that 'having FRIENDS' I've written about in earlier posts begins to work - If you know (read TIP) the Door Girl, Bouncer/Door Guy, Floor Manager, etc. you can bend the rules a bit! They will REMEMBER YOU! And invite and WELCOME you BACK!

DUDE! I'm not telling you to wear a suit and tie (Hell NO!) I'm saying clean up, dress to impress, LOOK GOOD, SMELL GOOD and you'll be surprised how many people (old Friends and NEW Friends will notice you AND you'll notice how you get BETTER SERVICE and a BETTER Reception no matter where you go!

So, MAN UP! Dude. Catch you at the CLUB! - K

Dude - Try Not to Piss Off the DJ...He RUNS the Show!

So! DJ Alex and I were talking about STRIPPER RULES and the next installment of STRIP CLUB ETIQUETTE and we came up with a few SIMPLE CLUB DJ RULES to make things run a little more smoothly anytime you're at the CLUB (ANY Club where there's a DJ!). Remember - at the Club, Managers-Manage, Bartenders-SLING DRINKS, Bouncers-BOUNCE, etc. BUT THE DJ RUNS THE SHOW and MAKES THINGS HAPPEN. So here are a few SIMPLE DJ RULES (in no particular order):

1. DON'T talk to the DJ WHILE HE'S ON THE MIC! - Duh. DJ's are incredible at MULTI-TASKING but come on, don't request a song or BS WHILE the DJ is announcing!
2. DJ's generally HATE REQUESTS - it interupts the FLOW (and they're like CONTROL FREAKS w/ headphones). So, DON'T request a song without cash in your hand - 5 bucks should do it. Always remember that the ENTIRE CLUB (Dance, Live Music Venue or Gentleman's Club) RUNS ON TIPS and TIP JARS! And remember Rule #1.
3. If the DJ DOES PLAY your song, or a Kick-Ass song that you like and want to hear in the future - OFFER HIM (or HER) a DRINK, BEER or a SHOT! It will be much appreciated or politely refused (MOST DJ's know their limits).
4. And remember DUDE! The more friends you make at the CLUB, the more FUN you'll have and the more you'll be WELCOME BACK - Like CHEERS but with BOOBIES! (See BONUS RULE (1A) of STRIP CLUB ETIQUETTE).

Next time, another exciting installment of STRIP CLUB ETIQUETTE.

Meanwhile...MAN UP! Dude. Gotta GO! - K

Strip Club Etiquette...'Babe We've Got RULES!' No.1

Dude! Please stop embarrassing me...it's time to MAN UP and learn some Strip Club Etiquette, some simple, basic rules to Survive and HAVE FUN at 'THE GENTLEMAN'S CLUB'.

You'll still leave with EMPTY POCKETS - but at least you'll leave with fond memories, a BIG SMILE on your face and on your own two feet!

• RULE NUMBER ONE! DO NOT GO TO THE CLUB WITHOUT MONEY ('Where the Dollars at') - the more you have - the MORE fun you'll have. Especially if you don't DRINK it all. You'll still spend it all, but try to stay Happy, Buzzed but SOBER!
  
• A Stripper's/Dancer's/Entertainer's job is to show you a good time...and separate YOU from your MONEY - Stay a little Sober and this will take a little longer for her to accomplish and YOU'LL have a better time and remember more of your adventures!


• Stripper Math! If a BEER costs 7 bucks and a Lap Dance costs 20 Bucks...How many BEERS do you have to sacrifice to get 'up close and personal' with your FUTURE EX-WIFE?

BONUS RULE (1A): Take care of the DOOR GIRL! She's HOT and she works for TIPS! That's why that TIP JAR is between YOU and HER! But seriously - it's about making Friends, establishing relationships and being WELCOME back again. You know - like CHEERS but with BOOBIES.

MAN UP! Dude. Gotta go see DJ Alex and the GIRLS! - K

You probably don't need for me to tell you, but...WORK SUX!

DUDE!...my JOB SUX. I work 12-14 hour shifts - usually 3 or 4 in a row (just to get it OVER WITH!). And on top of that - I sold my soul for an extra DOLLAR AN HOUR
to work Nights, Weekends and Holidays. (Cheap, Poor Bastard).

I know what you're thinking...'Stop your whining'...
but hey! I'm just 'splainin' why I haven't been here for a few days!

But NOW! I'm wearin' my finest Affliction Gear and heading for my Happy Place! And then it's time to visit DJ Alex and all my friends at my 'Home Away From Home' - and get some BOOBIES IN MY FACE! (It REALLY helps me forget how much my JOB SUX!)
So- Man Up! Dude - I'll tell you all about it later! -K

Man Rule #3! DUDE! Crocs are for GIRLS! Period!

SO much to talk about - like how fun breakfast at Jim's Coffee House (Texas' answer to I-HOP, Denny's, Waffle House - open 24 hours a day!) can be with a booth full of tipsy and generally crazy-fun strippers (oops - ENTERTAINERS/Dancers/College Students?).

But NO! we can't talk about that tonight because I have to make a MAN RULE - RIGHT NOW!
Today I saw TWO (yes 2) GUYS in Pastel Crocs.
That's right - ORANGE and PINK plastic, smelly shoes(?) sandals(?) whatever they are.

I don't care HOW COMFORTABLE THEY ARE or that they come in CAMO or OD GREEN. CROCS ARE FOR GIRLS. They sell Freakin' Jewelry for them! Need I say more?

SO! Man Rule 3#: MAN UP! DUDE - CROCS ARE FOR GIRLS! 'Nuff Said. Now maybe I can go to sleep and dream about Strippers, Jim's and breakfast tacos - yum.....Hmmm...what about Booth Dances? WOW! I'm out! -K

Latin Girls ROCK! and so does SAN ANTONIO...

Years ago, the Army sent me here to San Antonio and Ft. Sam Houston for training. Then they kept sending me back here for more and more training - again and again. Eventually even stationing me here. And I loved it!

Anyone associated with the Army Medical Department would always find ways to get back here to Ft. Sam. It IS the center of Army Medicine and ABSOLUTELY the Multicultural Center of the Universe (well, OK, at least Texas!) When it was time for me to leave the service - I stayed here. And I continue to stay because THIS is where I WANT to be! Finally.

So if you notice The Man Blog has a slightly Latin Flavor you're right it does - because SAN ANTONIO ROCKS!

And Beautiful Latin Princesses like Lori (pictured here) are just one of the many reasons SA ROCKS! It's a combination of those BIG Beautiful Brown eyes (see my Hooters post) and a that BIG, BIG SMILE! WOW!

Seriously though - if you are planning a trip to San Antonio - business, convention, vacation or a day-trip to see a SPURS game - let me know! I can help you find the BEST Restaurants, Bars, Clubs, Tiddie Bars (you know - Gentleman's Clubs). Like I'm some SAN ANTO AMBASSADOR or something. But DUDE - I LOVE IT HERE!

Some day we'll talk more about HOW and WHY Latin Girls ROCK! But Hey! - gotta go!
MAN UP! Dude. Eat some HOOTERS or get a Lap Dance for ME! - K

Penis Mail Update!

The Evil Spammers MUST read The Man Blog! After months of NO PENIS MAIL...
it's back! Don't blame ME Dude...it's just one of those freaky coincidences...

Deal with it. But whatever you do - DON'T Click on 'em (think of it like abstinence - the SAFEST form of SAFE SEX) - or else you'll have Herpes, The Clap and all kinds of internet STDs comin' out of your laptop!

Virus Protection - it's like Condoms for your 'Puter! MAN UP! Dude - Wrap it up! Later. -K

Where's my penis...mail?

I have way TOO MANY e-mail accounts which generate ALOT O' SPAM.

I used to get (and I'm sure you did too) at least five or six junk mails DAILY (at each account) for magic pills and potions and tools and 'click here to make my girlfriend happy' and HOW TO INCREASE THE SIZE OF MY PENIS!

But now all I get is ALOT O' SPAM trying to sell me fake Rolex watches. I guess the Evil Spammers finally figured out I'm OK with the size of my penis - but I don't wear a watch!

Kinda miss the Penis Mail tho'. Oh well.
MAN UP! Dude. I'm headed to my Happy Place for a 'meeting' and lunch. Check you later -K

Man Rule #2: If you don't have BIG arms or Bad-Ass Tattoos...

DON'T cut the sleeves off your T-Shirts! Or even worse - tear them off.

Just came back from the gym where I had another one of those 'there ought to be a rule' moments. But seriously - if you don't have decent (read BIG) biceps or some really bad-ass tattoos - DON'T cut or tear the sleeves off your tees! It's sad to see your scrawny-ass, lilly-white, little arms pokin' out of where your sleeves should be on that way TOO big or way TOO tight t-shirt.

OK, I feel better now. Man-Rules RULE!
MAN UP! Dude. Later - K

Hooters is my 'Happy Place' and why I dream in Orange...

Regrettably, I spent a lifetime NOT going to Hooters. I was seriously ignorant and completely unaware of the Joys of Hooters that I had been missing. ..it's like 'Guy Heaven' and really has become my Happy Place.

I remember my first time....
Back in 2002 it was time for me to leave the service (ETS if you're a Vet) and when the Drill Sergeants and Instructors I worked and trained with found out I had never been to Hooters, they were shocked! So naturally that's where we had my ETS (you're a Civilian now - Yeah!) Party.

I was mesmerized, fascinated, thrilled even. CUTE little girls in even cuter orange outfits came and took our orders, served and refilled our drinks, and flirted with a room full of my rowdy friends and co-workers.

At that time (way back then) the girls could still sit on your lap to take your order. Now, I crush pretty easily (a fact we'll talk about often) and I often fall for girls with big brown eyes. And Kira - my first Hooters crush had the biggest, brown eyes and long dark hair and naturally the cutest little orange butt.... ahh, such fond memories. The first of many Hooters girls I've fallen for.

I'm a little older and wiser now, and I COMPLETELY understand the service industry and how working in a tipping environment really works. But Hooters Girls ROCK! and Hooters will always be my HAPPY PLACE! You'll hear (or read) about it again.

Check you later, so MAN UP! Dude. - K

PS. By the way - I left fairly early that night. Shortly after that, my Senior Drill and my 1st Sgt. had a few too many pitchers and started the very first 'mini-riot' at my Happy Place! BANNED from HOOTERS (them - not me!). Could there be a worse fate?

Random Tiddie Bar..er..'Gentlemen's Club' Observation...

Why is it a Lap Dance costs $20, a DOMESTIC Beer $6-7! But you can get a huge plate FULL of Steak and Fries for $2.99? Hmmmm.

VERY tough choices every night. (The decision - not the steaks)

Let me go get my priorities straight!

Man Up! Dude. Later -K

There Ought to be a Rule! ...Man Rule #1:

Have you ever seen something or someone do something that just gets to you and ya' think - 'there ought to be a rule...'? Well here's Man Rule Number 1:

Unless you live in Hawaii, or you're a real - livin' on the beach - surfer dude:

• Don't Wear PUKA Shells!

Keep them in a drawer in your closet next to your Nehru jacket. If you're fifteen you might be able to pull it off, but the safest thing is just Man Up! Dude and don't. Later. -K

It's Cherry Poppin' Time...

WOW! My FIRST POST on THE MAN BLOG: An Inside Look at HOW GUYS THINK!

Time to build a place in this Blogosphere where guys can BS about the things that are REALLY important - GUY things like Money and Strippers (there's a relationship there we'll get into in the future), Cars (or Boats or Bikes - things that go FAST), BEER, Sex, and other random thoughts that just seem to pop into our heads...

I look forward to your comments and suggestions! But hey - keep it 'R' rated...you know - Playboy not Swank - and if you don't know the difference...you need to MAN UP! Dude and get your butt here more often so we can help you out!

It's gonna be KICK ASS and I hope it makes you smile or maybe laugh out loud! If it does - then TELL YOUR FRIENDS about THE MAN BLOG! Appreciate it.

And LADIES - if your sneakin' a peek to see how GUYS THINK - this is it, this is the REAL DEAL! Now you'll understand your boyfriend/husband/father just a little bit better. He wants a Beer and the remote! - duh!

Thanks again. I'm headin' to Hooters (my Happy Place) to reflect on the subject of my next post ...and little orange butts. Man, I can't get anything past you guys, we think too much alike!
so, MAN UP! Dude -K