DUDE! $5 to the VALET can save you the $500 DEDUCTIBLE on your insurance!

DUDE! Have you noticed that no matter HOW POPULAR and BUSY your local DANCE HALL, NIGHTCLUB, DIVE BAR, BOWLING ALLEY or GENTLEMAN'S CLUB (aka. MEN'S CLUB/TIDDIE BAR/STRIP CLUB) is, there's probably NOT one within walking distance of your FRONT DOOR or your GARAGE! If there is, you live in the wrong part of town, or you're just VERY LUCKY and I'm VERY JEALOUS!

EVERYONE wants to go, no one really wants one right NEXT DOOR! So they have a tendency to be located on the 'WRONG SIDE OF TOWN' or in some less than desirable neighborhoods. Here's THIS WEEKS TIP!

• DUDE! This is NOT the time to be CHEAP! FIVE BUCKS to the VALET can easily SAVE YOU the FIVE HUNDRED DOLLAR Deductible on your insurance! AND prevent a long, drawn out POLICE REPORT. If you love your CAR, TRUCK, BIKE or JEEP (or YOUR KICK-ASS SOUND SYSTEM) as much as I do, it's a small price to pay for someone to babysit your ride while you spend time with your wife/girlfriend/future-ex wife, getting LAP DANCES, or just hangin' with your buds!
• It may also prevent YOU from getting rolled, robbed, mugged or worse on your way in or out! It happens Dude!
• BONUS! If you've been drinking (maybe a little TOO MUCH) the VALET can GET YOU A CAB or Van Service to DRIVE YOUR DRUNK ASS HOME! SO MUCH cheaper than JAIL. Don't DRINK and DRIVE Dudes and Dude -ettes. I hear your FACE against the WINDSHIELD and the STEERING WHEEL in your CHEST - HURTS! (ALOT!)

'Nuff said DUDES! MAN UP! Have some FUN but stay outta TROUBLE! Later - K

DUDE! Just a Reminder - If you need to contact me DIRECTLY, use the GMail Link!

Just a reminder DUDES and DUDE-ettes! If you're trying to reach me 'UP CLOSE and PERSONAL' and contact me DIRECTLY for ADVICE, BUSINESS, or just to 'cuss me out... use that Guy.Think GMAIL link down on the bottom right column of this page! It's guy.think@gmail.com GMail Rocks!

REMEMBER! I can't (and won't) reply/respond to anonymous posts/comments. So, grab your COJONES and see RULE #2 under BREAKING NEWS! THE TWO THINGS YOU NEED TO ENJOY THE MAN BLOG:

When you write, if you are a CUTE, SINGLE, Petite LATIN PRINCESS...be sure and let me know so that I can respond, reply, propose to YOU FIRST! If you're NOT, LIE TO ME! And if you're the Husband, Father, Brother, Cousin of a cute Latin Princess I MIGHT happen to know...'DUDE, it wasn't ME!

Seriously, feel free to contact me if you need to - keep in mind those 12-14 hour shifts I work, but I'll get back to you as I can! I'm OUT! So - MAN UP! Dude. - K

SPRINT and I have a LOVE - HATE Relationship, BUT This NEW Sierra 597 Wireless Card REALLY WORKS!

DUDE! Sprint and I DO NOT normally get along, but AT&T and T-Mobile and I aren't speaking at all! So I have to stay with Sprint. Yesterday, I upgraded my wireless card for my Laptop, and I'm so impressed I decided I should tell you guys about it! The first MAN BLOG RAVE!

No matter where I am, I have my Laptop. I either have it in my hand, or locked in the 'Steel Vault' in my Jeep. I surf, research, study, BLOG, e-mail, design or promote at ANYTIME and from ANY Place. That's why I use my Sprint Wireless card. It works from any bar, restaurant, HOOTERS!, VIP Room in my favorite Men's Clubs, Parking Lot, anyplace I can get 'bars' on my phone - I can get data on my card. Now sometimes and in a few places, getting the 'bars' is a bitch, but generally my CARD is more reliable than WiFi - which may or may not be 'up' or accessible.

Got the new USB Sprint Sierra Wireless Compass 597 yesterday afternoon, plugged it in, it did it's magic PLUG and PLAY thing, and I was using it to check all my G-Mails in MINUTES! WOW! I am always impressed (and pleasantly surprised) when something WORKS the way it is supposed to! That's why I'm raving about it now! If you're in the market for a wireless broadband card, you should check this one out! You can tell the folks at SPRINT - THE MAN BLOG sent you. Maybe they'll slip me some FREE minutes on my cell phone! Or maybe a FREE 'T-Pain' I'm in Love with a Stripper Ringtone!

Later Dudes (and Dude -ettes). Gotta go for now. 'Til next time - K.

BREAKING NEWS! The TWO Things You NEED to Enjoy THE MAN BLOG:

WOW! THE MAN BLOG is ONE MONTH OLD today! And one hundred and thirty eight (yes! 138) comments over the last three days! Some FANS, Some HATERS! (mostly 'Defenders of MySpace' who didn't like my 'Why MySpace Sux' post). There's just NOT room to post everyone's comments and HINT: Anonymous comments go in the Anonymous trash - read below. Meanwhile, here are TWO THINGS YOU MUST HAVE to enjoy THE MAN BLOG:

1. A SENSE OF HUMOR!

DUDE! THE MAN BLOG is a "HUMOROUS LOOK AT HOW GUYS THINK..." it even says so down there on the right hand side under "THE MAN BLOG is about:" so it MUST BE TRUE! But, if my random observations and STRIP CLUB ADVENTURES don't make you smile or LAUGH OUT LOUD...then CLICK ON OUT OF HERE! You'll be back to see what OUTRAGEOUS thing I do or say next! But HEY! HATERS, before you go, be sure and tell all your friends how EVIL (and FUN!) THE MAN BLOG is! 'Cause Controversy = Traffic; Traffic = Clicks; and Clicks = GROCERIES! (or GAS, or BEER, or LAP DANCES!) And...LIGHTEN UP DUDE!

2. BALLS! Ya' Gotta Have Balls!

OK, you don't PHYSICALLY need to have Balls (almost half of my readers are GIRLS!) but you do need some COJONES! If you've got something to say about ME or THE MAN BLOG (GOOD or BAD), say it! but SIGN IT! You can still leave an Anonymous post, but INSIDE the post, sign your name, first name, initials, SOMETHING. Again, ANONYMOUS, UNSIGNED posts go in the 'NO COJONES TRASH'!

Down there in the bottom right corner of this Blog, under the Creative Commons License is MY NAME. My REAL name, NOT my Stripper Name, NOT my Stage Name! I am NOT lacking in the 'COJONES Department'! I'll even be adding an e-mail link somewhere down there as soon as I can figure out how! Then you can BASH me, or THANK ME up close and personal!

OK! Done Bitchin' again. THE MAN BLOG makes ME laugh - I'm smilin' while I write it! And I hope you enjoy it as well! If you do - tell your FRIENDS, CoWorkers, your Boss, your MOM! Spread the word! THANKS! Dude (and Dude-ettes)! Kevin

DUDE! A STRIP CLUB is NOT a BANK, Foreign Currency Exchange, CARWASH or Video Arcade!

SO! Most of my 'stripper' friends (yes, some do Dance, ALL are Entertainers and a FEW even go to College like REAL Sorority Girls and Cheerleaders), anyway, they know about THE MAN BLOG and have decided to 'present' their issues (and MAN - they've got some issues!) But I enjoy listening to them - I can actually conduct a serious conversation with the most beautiful naked women and never (OK, rarely) lose eye contact! I'm that good. No, really Dude!

Anyway, we were all talking about issues and subjects I could write about in future STRIP CLUB ETIQUETTE articles when a new EVIL presented its ugly head....some idiot was tipping the Girls with PESOS! and they were NOT HAPPY about it and decided to VENT all over me! I mentioned they could use their newly acquired PESOS at PIZZA PATRON , a local Pizzeria that actually accepts Mexican Pesos for their pizza. They were NOT amused, which resulted in me not getting BOOBIES in my face - so by then, I'M NOT AMUSED, in fact, deprived is what I was at this point!

DUDE! I realize that I'm in a BORDER STATE, and San Antonio has close ties with Mexico, BUT when you go to the CLUB - TAKE DOLLARS! American Dollars, NOT Canadian Dollars, NOT Deutschmarks, NOT PESOS! DOLLARS! Try not to piss my friends off so I can leave HAPPY - with a BIG GRIN on my face!

And while we're on the subject..a CUTE little waitress named Rachelle would like to tell you what you can do with your #*%&$#'N QUARTERS! Dude - NOT A CARWASH or VIDEO ARCADE! Rachelle's #1 Rule: DO NOT BRING QUARTERS to a Tiddie Bar! And if you should get one or two as change, put them in your pocket, TIP WITH DOLLARS, or FIVES, or TENS or TWENTIES! (be a High Roller!) Rachelle's cute - why do you guys continue to piss her off and get her all 'WestSide' on me?

OK, done Bitchin' again. Now maybe it's safe for me to go back tonight and see my little Friends!

SO! MAN UP! Dude, I'll tell you what happens later! - K

If MySpace is for Kids and Stalkers, Why do ALL my Thirty-Something Friends Have One?

Dude! If MySpace is for Kids, Pre-Teens, Stalkers,
Predators and Pedophiles...How come ALL my OVER THIRTY Friends have one? (some even have MORE than one!)

Over 100 MILLION(?) User accounts and one of the TEN most visited sites IN THE WORLD! WOW! You'd think it would work better - ALOT BETTER. I can't even get the pages to download there's so many people ON IT! All I get is “Server Too Busy,” “Sorry! an unexpected error has occurred." and can we BAN THE GLITTER and Sparkle? There's only one place for Glitter and that's on Baby (new) Strippers! (see Strip Club Etiquette 1, 2 and more to come).

BRING TOM BACK and maybe he can fix things like:

• Millions of MySpace SPAMMERS!
• Ugly-ass, Tacky Profiles With VIDEOS I don't want to see and MUSIC(?) I DON'T want to hear!
• All the SpyWare, Worms and 'Puter Herpes and VIRUSES!
• Millions of Pics of YOU in the MIRROR - 'Damn Girl, You say you have a THOUSAND Friends, can't ONE OF THEM take your picture for you?' And DUDE! Put your shirt back on!
• TOM! Make them STOP SENDING ME BULLETINS for STUPID S**T! 'I got up.' 'I did my homework' DUH!
• 'Why am I not on your top 8'? and Leave the HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA at School!
• and Tom, could you do something about those CREEPY Floating Yellow Emoticon Things that keep yelling HELLO! - THANKS!

OK, I'm done bitching for now - gotta go check my MySpace and see if I have any new 'FRIENDS' Later Dude. Oh, and MAN UP! - K

Strip Club Etiquette Part 2: You Don't Have to BE a High Roller to LOOK Like One...

Strippers (Dancers, Entertainers, 'College Girls?') make a living dancing, entertaining or just sitting with as many customers (that's YOU and ME - Dude!) as they can. The Girls tell me that MOST of those customers are FAT, SWEATY, SMELLY, T-Shirt + Puka Shell + Croc wearin' 'Cheap-Ass' (their words) Slugs and Thugs who wouldn't know fashion or deodorant if you hit them upside the head with either one!

SO! If you want to make a positive impression with Strippers (or GIRLS in general) at the CLUB - Shower, Shave, spend a few bucks on GOOD Cologne (Dude -Leave the AXE/English Leather/Old Spice for your job!) plus there are alot of cute girls at the Department Store 'fragrance' counters to help you pick one out! AND LEAVE YOUR Nasty-Ass T-shirts and Ass-Backwards Ball Caps AT HOME!

HOW you dress depends on the CLUB, most have a fairly strict dress code. Some don't allow ripped/torn jeans, MOST don't allow white Tees or caps. One of my favorite G-Clubs requires COLLARS - which sux because most of my bad-ass shirts don't have collars. Try adding a Suit or Tux jacket over your shirt and jeans and go for that 'Rockstar' look.

• HINT: This is where that 'having FRIENDS' I've written about in earlier posts begins to work - If you know (read TIP) the Door Girl, Bouncer/Door Guy, Floor Manager, etc. you can bend the rules a bit! They will REMEMBER YOU! And invite and WELCOME you BACK!

DUDE! I'm not telling you to wear a suit and tie (Hell NO!) I'm saying clean up, dress to impress, LOOK GOOD, SMELL GOOD and you'll be surprised how many people (old Friends and NEW Friends will notice you AND you'll notice how you get BETTER SERVICE and a BETTER Reception no matter where you go!

So, MAN UP! Dude. Catch you at the CLUB! - K

Dude - Try Not to Piss Off the DJ...He RUNS the Show!

So! DJ Alex and I were talking about STRIPPER RULES and the next installment of STRIP CLUB ETIQUETTE and we came up with a few SIMPLE CLUB DJ RULES to make things run a little more smoothly anytime you're at the CLUB (ANY Club where there's a DJ!). Remember - at the Club, Managers-Manage, Bartenders-SLING DRINKS, Bouncers-BOUNCE, etc. BUT THE DJ RUNS THE SHOW and MAKES THINGS HAPPEN. So here are a few SIMPLE DJ RULES (in no particular order):

1. DON'T talk to the DJ WHILE HE'S ON THE MIC! - Duh. DJ's are incredible at MULTI-TASKING but come on, don't request a song or BS WHILE the DJ is announcing!
2. DJ's generally HATE REQUESTS - it interupts the FLOW (and they're like CONTROL FREAKS w/ headphones). So, DON'T request a song without cash in your hand - 5 bucks should do it. Always remember that the ENTIRE CLUB (Dance, Live Music Venue or Gentleman's Club) RUNS ON TIPS and TIP JARS! And remember Rule #1.
3. If the DJ DOES PLAY your song, or a Kick-Ass song that you like and want to hear in the future - OFFER HIM (or HER) a DRINK, BEER or a SHOT! It will be much appreciated or politely refused (MOST DJ's know their limits).
4. And remember DUDE! The more friends you make at the CLUB, the more FUN you'll have and the more you'll be WELCOME BACK - Like CHEERS but with BOOBIES! (See BONUS RULE (1A) of STRIP CLUB ETIQUETTE).

Next time, another exciting installment of STRIP CLUB ETIQUETTE.

Meanwhile...MAN UP! Dude. Gotta GO! - K