Strip Club Etiquette...'Babe We've Got RULES!' No.1

Dude! Please stop embarrassing me...it's time to MAN UP and learn some Strip Club Etiquette, some simple, basic rules to Survive and HAVE FUN at 'THE GENTLEMAN'S CLUB'.

You'll still leave with EMPTY POCKETS - but at least you'll leave with fond memories, a BIG SMILE on your face and on your own two feet!

• RULE NUMBER ONE! DO NOT GO TO THE CLUB WITHOUT MONEY ('Where the Dollars at') - the more you have - the MORE fun you'll have. Especially if you don't DRINK it all. You'll still spend it all, but try to stay Happy, Buzzed but SOBER!
  
• A Stripper's/Dancer's/Entertainer's job is to show you a good time...and separate YOU from your MONEY - Stay a little Sober and this will take a little longer for her to accomplish and YOU'LL have a better time and remember more of your adventures!


• Stripper Math! If a BEER costs 7 bucks and a Lap Dance costs 20 Bucks...How many BEERS do you have to sacrifice to get 'up close and personal' with your FUTURE EX-WIFE?

BONUS RULE (1A): Take care of the DOOR GIRL! She's HOT and she works for TIPS! That's why that TIP JAR is between YOU and HER! But seriously - it's about making Friends, establishing relationships and being WELCOME back again. You know - like CHEERS but with BOOBIES.

MAN UP! Dude. Gotta go see DJ Alex and the GIRLS! - K

You probably don't need for me to tell you, but...WORK SUX!

DUDE!...my JOB SUX. I work 12-14 hour shifts - usually 3 or 4 in a row (just to get it OVER WITH!). And on top of that - I sold my soul for an extra DOLLAR AN HOUR
to work Nights, Weekends and Holidays. (Cheap, Poor Bastard).

I know what you're thinking...'Stop your whining'...
but hey! I'm just 'splainin' why I haven't been here for a few days!

But NOW! I'm wearin' my finest Affliction Gear and heading for my Happy Place! And then it's time to visit DJ Alex and all my friends at my 'Home Away From Home' - and get some BOOBIES IN MY FACE! (It REALLY helps me forget how much my JOB SUX!)
So- Man Up! Dude - I'll tell you all about it later! -K

Man Rule #3! DUDE! Crocs are for GIRLS! Period!

SO much to talk about - like how fun breakfast at Jim's Coffee House (Texas' answer to I-HOP, Denny's, Waffle House - open 24 hours a day!) can be with a booth full of tipsy and generally crazy-fun strippers (oops - ENTERTAINERS/Dancers/College Students?).

But NO! we can't talk about that tonight because I have to make a MAN RULE - RIGHT NOW!
Today I saw TWO (yes 2) GUYS in Pastel Crocs.
That's right - ORANGE and PINK plastic, smelly shoes(?) sandals(?) whatever they are.

I don't care HOW COMFORTABLE THEY ARE or that they come in CAMO or OD GREEN. CROCS ARE FOR GIRLS. They sell Freakin' Jewelry for them! Need I say more?

SO! Man Rule 3#: MAN UP! DUDE - CROCS ARE FOR GIRLS! 'Nuff Said. Now maybe I can go to sleep and dream about Strippers, Jim's and breakfast tacos - yum.....Hmmm...what about Booth Dances? WOW! I'm out! -K

Latin Girls ROCK! and so does SAN ANTONIO...

Years ago, the Army sent me here to San Antonio and Ft. Sam Houston for training. Then they kept sending me back here for more and more training - again and again. Eventually even stationing me here. And I loved it!

Anyone associated with the Army Medical Department would always find ways to get back here to Ft. Sam. It IS the center of Army Medicine and ABSOLUTELY the Multicultural Center of the Universe (well, OK, at least Texas!) When it was time for me to leave the service - I stayed here. And I continue to stay because THIS is where I WANT to be! Finally.

So if you notice The Man Blog has a slightly Latin Flavor you're right it does - because SAN ANTONIO ROCKS!

And Beautiful Latin Princesses like Lori (pictured here) are just one of the many reasons SA ROCKS! It's a combination of those BIG Beautiful Brown eyes (see my Hooters post) and a that BIG, BIG SMILE! WOW!

Seriously though - if you are planning a trip to San Antonio - business, convention, vacation or a day-trip to see a SPURS game - let me know! I can help you find the BEST Restaurants, Bars, Clubs, Tiddie Bars (you know - Gentleman's Clubs). Like I'm some SAN ANTO AMBASSADOR or something. But DUDE - I LOVE IT HERE!

Some day we'll talk more about HOW and WHY Latin Girls ROCK! But Hey! - gotta go!
MAN UP! Dude. Eat some HOOTERS or get a Lap Dance for ME! - K

Penis Mail Update!

The Evil Spammers MUST read The Man Blog! After months of NO PENIS MAIL...
it's back! Don't blame ME Dude...it's just one of those freaky coincidences...

Deal with it. But whatever you do - DON'T Click on 'em (think of it like abstinence - the SAFEST form of SAFE SEX) - or else you'll have Herpes, The Clap and all kinds of internet STDs comin' out of your laptop!

Virus Protection - it's like Condoms for your 'Puter! MAN UP! Dude - Wrap it up! Later. -K

Where's my penis...mail?

I have way TOO MANY e-mail accounts which generate ALOT O' SPAM.

I used to get (and I'm sure you did too) at least five or six junk mails DAILY (at each account) for magic pills and potions and tools and 'click here to make my girlfriend happy' and HOW TO INCREASE THE SIZE OF MY PENIS!

But now all I get is ALOT O' SPAM trying to sell me fake Rolex watches. I guess the Evil Spammers finally figured out I'm OK with the size of my penis - but I don't wear a watch!

Kinda miss the Penis Mail tho'. Oh well.
MAN UP! Dude. I'm headed to my Happy Place for a 'meeting' and lunch. Check you later -K

Man Rule #2: If you don't have BIG arms or Bad-Ass Tattoos...

DON'T cut the sleeves off your T-Shirts! Or even worse - tear them off.

Just came back from the gym where I had another one of those 'there ought to be a rule' moments. But seriously - if you don't have decent (read BIG) biceps or some really bad-ass tattoos - DON'T cut or tear the sleeves off your tees! It's sad to see your scrawny-ass, lilly-white, little arms pokin' out of where your sleeves should be on that way TOO big or way TOO tight t-shirt.

OK, I feel better now. Man-Rules RULE!
MAN UP! Dude. Later - K

Hooters is my 'Happy Place' and why I dream in Orange...

Regrettably, I spent a lifetime NOT going to Hooters. I was seriously ignorant and completely unaware of the Joys of Hooters that I had been missing. ..it's like 'Guy Heaven' and really has become my Happy Place.

I remember my first time....
Back in 2002 it was time for me to leave the service (ETS if you're a Vet) and when the Drill Sergeants and Instructors I worked and trained with found out I had never been to Hooters, they were shocked! So naturally that's where we had my ETS (you're a Civilian now - Yeah!) Party.

I was mesmerized, fascinated, thrilled even. CUTE little girls in even cuter orange outfits came and took our orders, served and refilled our drinks, and flirted with a room full of my rowdy friends and co-workers.

At that time (way back then) the girls could still sit on your lap to take your order. Now, I crush pretty easily (a fact we'll talk about often) and I often fall for girls with big brown eyes. And Kira - my first Hooters crush had the biggest, brown eyes and long dark hair and naturally the cutest little orange butt.... ahh, such fond memories. The first of many Hooters girls I've fallen for.

I'm a little older and wiser now, and I COMPLETELY understand the service industry and how working in a tipping environment really works. But Hooters Girls ROCK! and Hooters will always be my HAPPY PLACE! You'll hear (or read) about it again.

Check you later, so MAN UP! Dude. - K

PS. By the way - I left fairly early that night. Shortly after that, my Senior Drill and my 1st Sgt. had a few too many pitchers and started the very first 'mini-riot' at my Happy Place! BANNED from HOOTERS (them - not me!). Could there be a worse fate?

Random Tiddie Bar..er..'Gentlemen's Club' Observation...

Why is it a Lap Dance costs $20, a DOMESTIC Beer $6-7! But you can get a huge plate FULL of Steak and Fries for $2.99? Hmmmm.

VERY tough choices every night. (The decision - not the steaks)

Let me go get my priorities straight!

Man Up! Dude. Later -K

There Ought to be a Rule! ...Man Rule #1:

Have you ever seen something or someone do something that just gets to you and ya' think - 'there ought to be a rule...'? Well here's Man Rule Number 1:

Unless you live in Hawaii, or you're a real - livin' on the beach - surfer dude:

• Don't Wear PUKA Shells!

Keep them in a drawer in your closet next to your Nehru jacket. If you're fifteen you might be able to pull it off, but the safest thing is just Man Up! Dude and don't. Later. -K

It's Cherry Poppin' Time...

WOW! My FIRST POST on THE MAN BLOG: An Inside Look at HOW GUYS THINK!

Time to build a place in this Blogosphere where guys can BS about the things that are REALLY important - GUY things like Money and Strippers (there's a relationship there we'll get into in the future), Cars (or Boats or Bikes - things that go FAST), BEER, Sex, and other random thoughts that just seem to pop into our heads...

I look forward to your comments and suggestions! But hey - keep it 'R' rated...you know - Playboy not Swank - and if you don't know the difference...you need to MAN UP! Dude and get your butt here more often so we can help you out!

It's gonna be KICK ASS and I hope it makes you smile or maybe laugh out loud! If it does - then TELL YOUR FRIENDS about THE MAN BLOG! Appreciate it.

And LADIES - if your sneakin' a peek to see how GUYS THINK - this is it, this is the REAL DEAL! Now you'll understand your boyfriend/husband/father just a little bit better. He wants a Beer and the remote! - duh!

Thanks again. I'm headin' to Hooters (my Happy Place) to reflect on the subject of my next post ...and little orange butts. Man, I can't get anything past you guys, we think too much alike!
so, MAN UP! Dude -K