Strip Club Etiquette Part 2: You Don't Have to BE a High Roller to LOOK Like One...

Strippers (Dancers, Entertainers, 'College Girls?') make a living dancing, entertaining or just sitting with as many customers (that's YOU and ME - Dude!) as they can. The Girls tell me that MOST of those customers are FAT, SWEATY, SMELLY, T-Shirt + Puka Shell + Croc wearin' 'Cheap-Ass' (their words) Slugs and Thugs who wouldn't know fashion or deodorant if you hit them upside the head with either one!

SO! If you want to make a positive impression with Strippers (or GIRLS in general) at the CLUB - Shower, Shave, spend a few bucks on GOOD Cologne (Dude -Leave the AXE/English Leather/Old Spice for your job!) plus there are alot of cute girls at the Department Store 'fragrance' counters to help you pick one out! AND LEAVE YOUR Nasty-Ass T-shirts and Ass-Backwards Ball Caps AT HOME!

HOW you dress depends on the CLUB, most have a fairly strict dress code. Some don't allow ripped/torn jeans, MOST don't allow white Tees or caps. One of my favorite G-Clubs requires COLLARS - which sux because most of my bad-ass shirts don't have collars. Try adding a Suit or Tux jacket over your shirt and jeans and go for that 'Rockstar' look.

• HINT: This is where that 'having FRIENDS' I've written about in earlier posts begins to work - If you know (read TIP) the Door Girl, Bouncer/Door Guy, Floor Manager, etc. you can bend the rules a bit! They will REMEMBER YOU! And invite and WELCOME you BACK!

DUDE! I'm not telling you to wear a suit and tie (Hell NO!) I'm saying clean up, dress to impress, LOOK GOOD, SMELL GOOD and you'll be surprised how many people (old Friends and NEW Friends will notice you AND you'll notice how you get BETTER SERVICE and a BETTER Reception no matter where you go!

So, MAN UP! Dude. Catch you at the CLUB! - K

Dude - Try Not to Piss Off the DJ...He RUNS the Show!

So! DJ Alex and I were talking about STRIPPER RULES and the next installment of STRIP CLUB ETIQUETTE and we came up with a few SIMPLE CLUB DJ RULES to make things run a little more smoothly anytime you're at the CLUB (ANY Club where there's a DJ!). Remember - at the Club, Managers-Manage, Bartenders-SLING DRINKS, Bouncers-BOUNCE, etc. BUT THE DJ RUNS THE SHOW and MAKES THINGS HAPPEN. So here are a few SIMPLE DJ RULES (in no particular order):

1. DON'T talk to the DJ WHILE HE'S ON THE MIC! - Duh. DJ's are incredible at MULTI-TASKING but come on, don't request a song or BS WHILE the DJ is announcing!
2. DJ's generally HATE REQUESTS - it interupts the FLOW (and they're like CONTROL FREAKS w/ headphones). So, DON'T request a song without cash in your hand - 5 bucks should do it. Always remember that the ENTIRE CLUB (Dance, Live Music Venue or Gentleman's Club) RUNS ON TIPS and TIP JARS! And remember Rule #1.
3. If the DJ DOES PLAY your song, or a Kick-Ass song that you like and want to hear in the future - OFFER HIM (or HER) a DRINK, BEER or a SHOT! It will be much appreciated or politely refused (MOST DJ's know their limits).
4. And remember DUDE! The more friends you make at the CLUB, the more FUN you'll have and the more you'll be WELCOME BACK - Like CHEERS but with BOOBIES! (See BONUS RULE (1A) of STRIP CLUB ETIQUETTE).

Next time, another exciting installment of STRIP CLUB ETIQUETTE.

Meanwhile...MAN UP! Dude. Gotta GO! - K

Strip Club Etiquette...'Babe We've Got RULES!' No.1

Dude! Please stop embarrassing me...it's time to MAN UP and learn some Strip Club Etiquette, some simple, basic rules to Survive and HAVE FUN at 'THE GENTLEMAN'S CLUB'.

You'll still leave with EMPTY POCKETS - but at least you'll leave with fond memories, a BIG SMILE on your face and on your own two feet!

• RULE NUMBER ONE! DO NOT GO TO THE CLUB WITHOUT MONEY ('Where the Dollars at') - the more you have - the MORE fun you'll have. Especially if you don't DRINK it all. You'll still spend it all, but try to stay Happy, Buzzed but SOBER!
  
• A Stripper's/Dancer's/Entertainer's job is to show you a good time...and separate YOU from your MONEY - Stay a little Sober and this will take a little longer for her to accomplish and YOU'LL have a better time and remember more of your adventures!


• Stripper Math! If a BEER costs 7 bucks and a Lap Dance costs 20 Bucks...How many BEERS do you have to sacrifice to get 'up close and personal' with your FUTURE EX-WIFE?

BONUS RULE (1A): Take care of the DOOR GIRL! She's HOT and she works for TIPS! That's why that TIP JAR is between YOU and HER! But seriously - it's about making Friends, establishing relationships and being WELCOME back again. You know - like CHEERS but with BOOBIES.

MAN UP! Dude. Gotta go see DJ Alex and the GIRLS! - K

You probably don't need for me to tell you, but...WORK SUX!

DUDE!...my JOB SUX. I work 12-14 hour shifts - usually 3 or 4 in a row (just to get it OVER WITH!). And on top of that - I sold my soul for an extra DOLLAR AN HOUR
to work Nights, Weekends and Holidays. (Cheap, Poor Bastard).

I know what you're thinking...'Stop your whining'...
but hey! I'm just 'splainin' why I haven't been here for a few days!

But NOW! I'm wearin' my finest Affliction Gear and heading for my Happy Place! And then it's time to visit DJ Alex and all my friends at my 'Home Away From Home' - and get some BOOBIES IN MY FACE! (It REALLY helps me forget how much my JOB SUX!)
So- Man Up! Dude - I'll tell you all about it later! -K

Man Rule #3! DUDE! Crocs are for GIRLS! Period!

SO much to talk about - like how fun breakfast at Jim's Coffee House (Texas' answer to I-HOP, Denny's, Waffle House - open 24 hours a day!) can be with a booth full of tipsy and generally crazy-fun strippers (oops - ENTERTAINERS/Dancers/College Students?).

But NO! we can't talk about that tonight because I have to make a MAN RULE - RIGHT NOW!
Today I saw TWO (yes 2) GUYS in Pastel Crocs.
That's right - ORANGE and PINK plastic, smelly shoes(?) sandals(?) whatever they are.

I don't care HOW COMFORTABLE THEY ARE or that they come in CAMO or OD GREEN. CROCS ARE FOR GIRLS. They sell Freakin' Jewelry for them! Need I say more?

SO! Man Rule 3#: MAN UP! DUDE - CROCS ARE FOR GIRLS! 'Nuff Said. Now maybe I can go to sleep and dream about Strippers, Jim's and breakfast tacos - yum.....Hmmm...what about Booth Dances? WOW! I'm out! -K

Latin Girls ROCK! and so does SAN ANTONIO...

Years ago, the Army sent me here to San Antonio and Ft. Sam Houston for training. Then they kept sending me back here for more and more training - again and again. Eventually even stationing me here. And I loved it!

Anyone associated with the Army Medical Department would always find ways to get back here to Ft. Sam. It IS the center of Army Medicine and ABSOLUTELY the Multicultural Center of the Universe (well, OK, at least Texas!) When it was time for me to leave the service - I stayed here. And I continue to stay because THIS is where I WANT to be! Finally.

So if you notice The Man Blog has a slightly Latin Flavor you're right it does - because SAN ANTONIO ROCKS!

And Beautiful Latin Princesses like Lori (pictured here) are just one of the many reasons SA ROCKS! It's a combination of those BIG Beautiful Brown eyes (see my Hooters post) and a that BIG, BIG SMILE! WOW!

Seriously though - if you are planning a trip to San Antonio - business, convention, vacation or a day-trip to see a SPURS game - let me know! I can help you find the BEST Restaurants, Bars, Clubs, Tiddie Bars (you know - Gentleman's Clubs). Like I'm some SAN ANTO AMBASSADOR or something. But DUDE - I LOVE IT HERE!

Some day we'll talk more about HOW and WHY Latin Girls ROCK! But Hey! - gotta go!
MAN UP! Dude. Eat some HOOTERS or get a Lap Dance for ME! - K