DUDE! A STRIP CLUB is NOT a BANK, Foreign Currency Exchange, CARWASH or Video Arcade!

SO! Most of my 'stripper' friends (yes, some do Dance, ALL are Entertainers and a FEW even go to College like REAL Sorority Girls and Cheerleaders), anyway, they know about THE MAN BLOG and have decided to 'present' their issues (and MAN - they've got some issues!) But I enjoy listening to them - I can actually conduct a serious conversation with the most beautiful naked women and never (OK, rarely) lose eye contact! I'm that good. No, really Dude!

Anyway, we were all talking about issues and subjects I could write about in future STRIP CLUB ETIQUETTE articles when a new EVIL presented its ugly head....some idiot was tipping the Girls with PESOS! and they were NOT HAPPY about it and decided to VENT all over me! I mentioned they could use their newly acquired PESOS at PIZZA PATRON , a local Pizzeria that actually accepts Mexican Pesos for their pizza. They were NOT amused, which resulted in me not getting BOOBIES in my face - so by then, I'M NOT AMUSED, in fact, deprived is what I was at this point!

DUDE! I realize that I'm in a BORDER STATE, and San Antonio has close ties with Mexico, BUT when you go to the CLUB - TAKE DOLLARS! American Dollars, NOT Canadian Dollars, NOT Deutschmarks, NOT PESOS! DOLLARS! Try not to piss my friends off so I can leave HAPPY - with a BIG GRIN on my face!

And while we're on the subject..a CUTE little waitress named Rachelle would like to tell you what you can do with your #*%&$#'N QUARTERS! Dude - NOT A CARWASH or VIDEO ARCADE! Rachelle's #1 Rule: DO NOT BRING QUARTERS to a Tiddie Bar! And if you should get one or two as change, put them in your pocket, TIP WITH DOLLARS, or FIVES, or TENS or TWENTIES! (be a High Roller!) Rachelle's cute - why do you guys continue to piss her off and get her all 'WestSide' on me?

OK, done Bitchin' again. Now maybe it's safe for me to go back tonight and see my little Friends!

SO! MAN UP! Dude, I'll tell you what happens later! - K

Strip Club Etiquette Part 2: You Don't Have to BE a High Roller to LOOK Like One...

Strippers (Dancers, Entertainers, 'College Girls?') make a living dancing, entertaining or just sitting with as many customers (that's YOU and ME - Dude!) as they can. The Girls tell me that MOST of those customers are FAT, SWEATY, SMELLY, T-Shirt + Puka Shell + Croc wearin' 'Cheap-Ass' (their words) Slugs and Thugs who wouldn't know fashion or deodorant if you hit them upside the head with either one!

SO! If you want to make a positive impression with Strippers (or GIRLS in general) at the CLUB - Shower, Shave, spend a few bucks on GOOD Cologne (Dude -Leave the AXE/English Leather/Old Spice for your job!) plus there are alot of cute girls at the Department Store 'fragrance' counters to help you pick one out! AND LEAVE YOUR Nasty-Ass T-shirts and Ass-Backwards Ball Caps AT HOME!

HOW you dress depends on the CLUB, most have a fairly strict dress code. Some don't allow ripped/torn jeans, MOST don't allow white Tees or caps. One of my favorite G-Clubs requires COLLARS - which sux because most of my bad-ass shirts don't have collars. Try adding a Suit or Tux jacket over your shirt and jeans and go for that 'Rockstar' look.

• HINT: This is where that 'having FRIENDS' I've written about in earlier posts begins to work - If you know (read TIP) the Door Girl, Bouncer/Door Guy, Floor Manager, etc. you can bend the rules a bit! They will REMEMBER YOU! And invite and WELCOME you BACK!

DUDE! I'm not telling you to wear a suit and tie (Hell NO!) I'm saying clean up, dress to impress, LOOK GOOD, SMELL GOOD and you'll be surprised how many people (old Friends and NEW Friends will notice you AND you'll notice how you get BETTER SERVICE and a BETTER Reception no matter where you go!

So, MAN UP! Dude. Catch you at the CLUB! - K

Dude - Try Not to Piss Off the DJ...He RUNS the Show!

So! DJ Alex and I were talking about STRIPPER RULES and the next installment of STRIP CLUB ETIQUETTE and we came up with a few SIMPLE CLUB DJ RULES to make things run a little more smoothly anytime you're at the CLUB (ANY Club where there's a DJ!). Remember - at the Club, Managers-Manage, Bartenders-SLING DRINKS, Bouncers-BOUNCE, etc. BUT THE DJ RUNS THE SHOW and MAKES THINGS HAPPEN. So here are a few SIMPLE DJ RULES (in no particular order):

1. DON'T talk to the DJ WHILE HE'S ON THE MIC! - Duh. DJ's are incredible at MULTI-TASKING but come on, don't request a song or BS WHILE the DJ is announcing!
2. DJ's generally HATE REQUESTS - it interupts the FLOW (and they're like CONTROL FREAKS w/ headphones). So, DON'T request a song without cash in your hand - 5 bucks should do it. Always remember that the ENTIRE CLUB (Dance, Live Music Venue or Gentleman's Club) RUNS ON TIPS and TIP JARS! And remember Rule #1.
3. If the DJ DOES PLAY your song, or a Kick-Ass song that you like and want to hear in the future - OFFER HIM (or HER) a DRINK, BEER or a SHOT! It will be much appreciated or politely refused (MOST DJ's know their limits).
4. And remember DUDE! The more friends you make at the CLUB, the more FUN you'll have and the more you'll be WELCOME BACK - Like CHEERS but with BOOBIES! (See BONUS RULE (1A) of STRIP CLUB ETIQUETTE).

Next time, another exciting installment of STRIP CLUB ETIQUETTE.

Meanwhile...MAN UP! Dude. Gotta GO! - K

Strip Club Etiquette...'Babe We've Got RULES!' No.1

Dude! Please stop embarrassing me...it's time to MAN UP and learn some Strip Club Etiquette, some simple, basic rules to Survive and HAVE FUN at 'THE GENTLEMAN'S CLUB'.

You'll still leave with EMPTY POCKETS - but at least you'll leave with fond memories, a BIG SMILE on your face and on your own two feet!

• RULE NUMBER ONE! DO NOT GO TO THE CLUB WITHOUT MONEY ('Where the Dollars at') - the more you have - the MORE fun you'll have. Especially if you don't DRINK it all. You'll still spend it all, but try to stay Happy, Buzzed but SOBER!
  
• A Stripper's/Dancer's/Entertainer's job is to show you a good time...and separate YOU from your MONEY - Stay a little Sober and this will take a little longer for her to accomplish and YOU'LL have a better time and remember more of your adventures!


• Stripper Math! If a BEER costs 7 bucks and a Lap Dance costs 20 Bucks...How many BEERS do you have to sacrifice to get 'up close and personal' with your FUTURE EX-WIFE?

BONUS RULE (1A): Take care of the DOOR GIRL! She's HOT and she works for TIPS! That's why that TIP JAR is between YOU and HER! But seriously - it's about making Friends, establishing relationships and being WELCOME back again. You know - like CHEERS but with BOOBIES.

MAN UP! Dude. Gotta go see DJ Alex and the GIRLS! - K